you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
