i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
