He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
