just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
