saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
