I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
