your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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