you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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