then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i think my tv is drunk
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
