Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
