Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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