Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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