A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We are all done wearing pants today
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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