Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
