but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
