I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
