First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
