You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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