hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
