Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
