I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
