well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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