my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
