I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
