someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
