fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My liver is preforming stress tests.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
