i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
