There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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