I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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