I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
