i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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