remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I will pee on everything he values.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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