he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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