My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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