I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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