In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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