I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
