I accidentally burped into my bong.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
