they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
