thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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