im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
