I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
