He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
