so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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