he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
