So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
