Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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