Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
