This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
