There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
