I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
