Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
