I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Sober January is a disaster.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
