can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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