Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
We need to rekindle our bromance
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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