If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
