don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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