Don't make out with my wife yet
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
