The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
