I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
