We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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