I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
