you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
